Why do I feel like my messy house is a metaphor for my life? I mean, in many ways, my life is worlds beyond better than what it was even a year ago. I have my own place, a job I enjoy, and Zack and I are relatively independent from help. If I fall behind on my bills, I catch up on my own. If I’m low on gas, I sell something or *gasp* borrow a few bucks until payday, at which point I promptly repay what I borrowed. Zack and I eat three meals per day, and my animals are fed and watered well daily, as well. So why do I feel like my disastrous house really means my life is still an absolute mess?
It’s not like I really believe in the power of Feng shui on a philosophical level, but maybe I’m fooling myself to think that there is no validity to it at all. It is true that this year has been a struggle on a financial and emotional level. In a way, I lost a parent for good. Not to death, but to her own foolish pride. That has been harder on me than I’d like to admit most days. What she did to me and to my child caused him great emotional harm, and that would be almost unforgivable if I weren’t a Christian woman (because, trust me, only God can give me the strength I need to constantly forgive and put that miserable person out of my mind). Zack’s grades have suffered, among other things this year, and all I wanted was to make it better for him. That is why I put so much effort into giving him the best birthday I could possibly afford, stretching a bit too far past my limit…but he’s worth it.
Life is relatively quiet around this house, save for the rare moments I lose my temper and yell, which I enjoy about as much as Zack does. We don’t do drama, but if you look around our house, we definitely do mess. Maybe if I get this place cleaned up, literally speaking, it will make a difference in our moods and habits. I’ve already started trying to make a change by putting up a chore chart and daily schedule for Zack and I to follow, but as usual, I’ve neglected to follow through on most days. I think I remember hearing somewhere that a clean house is a happy house. Is that true? I’m really not sure. I’ve seen people with clean houses who are miserable, and people with messy houses who are just as happy as can be. Of course, I’ve also seen the reverse. I guess I’ll never know how a clean house affects my little family until I put in the effort to find out for myself. Maybe even my animals will be happier for it.
Thanks for reading my Sunday morning musings! Have a restful last half of the weekend!