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Tomorrow is Zack’s last day of 2nd grade.  He is bummed to be leaving what he says is his favorite teacher so far, and so am I.  I am, however, looking forward to the next month of packing before we move.  When I say I am looking forward to it, what I really mean is I dread it with every fiber of my being.  (Confusing, isn’t it?)  The only thing I’m looking forward to is not having the distraction of Zack being in school.  He’s old enough now at eight years old to help me pack, too, though I expect he will avoid it as much as possible.  I don’t blame him.  I would love to avoid it, too.

The whole process of moving used to excite me.  Would I like our new place/city?  Would Zack & I make friends (a completely different process for both of us)?  Would I find some really great job & get out of debt permanently? Would I meet the man of my dreams?  Would I go back to school & get a degree in something that will excite me?

Maybe hitting 30 last November changed my perspective some, or maybe I’m just tired of moving around so much, but I don’t have very many positive feelings about this move.  I hope I’m not becoming jaded by my experiences over the past three years with the job markets in Tennessee, Alabama, and most recently California.  Three different states in three years, and I’ve worked less than one full year the entire time, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.  (I can think of several people who would disagree with me there, but my Sent box on Gmail would confirm the amount of jobs I’ve applied to and rejection emails I’ve received over the past three years.)  I just find it difficult to stay optimistic that Mississippi will be any different, but I am trying to keep myself from too much negative inner dialogue.

*sigh* I know there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.  I know I am not the only single mother who has had to rely on friends and family to keep a roof over my head the past three years.  In fact, I know married people who have been going through similar situations, with and without children.  Times are hard for everyone.  I am just grateful that Zack & I have not literally been homeless at any point – EVER – which is truly a miracle considering what might have been had I not had such generous people in my life.

Who knows?  Maybe our lives will change for the better in Mississippi.  Maybe I’ll write that book/find that great job/meet that guy/get that degree.  I guess I won’t know until I get there.  😉

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